i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
