Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
