I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
