I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
