His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
