We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
