I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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