After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
