I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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