Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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