You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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