I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
