I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
last night I used snow as a chaser
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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