my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
