Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
