Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
