I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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