The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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