I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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