my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
it's great music for shaving your balls
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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