What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
