the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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