God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We need to get me chipped asap
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
