I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
