Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
