I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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