hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
