If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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