Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
