If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just invented taco cereal.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
