You were right. It hurts to walk today.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
