shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
