i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
