dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
