All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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