You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
