Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
