My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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