I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
