Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
