I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
