i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
