I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
