No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
