the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
