Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
