remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
