Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
