How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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