rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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