I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
