It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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